Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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