the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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