K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
