You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
