Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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