Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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