My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
