I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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