she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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