My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
