Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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