p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
