The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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