You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
