I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this beer tastes like vomit already
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
