my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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