okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
