i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All the doctor said was why
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
