You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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