hotel room ftw
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
