you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
