ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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