I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
