I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
