He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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