I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
