dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
