I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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