I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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