I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
