wakey wakey hands off snakey
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
operation harelip BJ is a go
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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