Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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