My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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