He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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