i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
