That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
