I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
