im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
