Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You made out with two different species that night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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