I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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