and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
