My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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