he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
