i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
