I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
