I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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