8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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