Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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