wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
