I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
