god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
