I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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